I was sitting within the walls of swell cafe, I saw a man by the name of Jedi General Tralgus walk over to my table with a notepad in hand. He wore long robes, similar to that of his Ancient Jedi shrouded Robes. I noticed in his robes a hanging metalic lightsaber that seemed to have a green aura surrounding the object. I look up slightly more to see engraved, red and pussing warts that seemed to be bleeding all over his pale smiling face. I could see his greasy glasses drip onto the notepad as he lent over the table, edging closer to me. He took out a pen that looked tiny compared to his fat hands, he wrote down my order of in a swift manor, it consisted of A double bacon sandwich and a free pass to the Jedi Academy Training Facility. He dashed of and in no time he had my voucher and food ready for me. I pull out my ever so empty wallet to find I have no money to pay for these luxuries. I said to him "I do not have the money you need my master", he said with a wave of his hand "You have a bank account full of your life savings to pay with". I was unable to control myself and repeated the words he had said. I then took out my laptop and got my bank to pay Swell Cafe the money I owed. I then went homeless and hungry due to the price of the food, still worth it. I would relive this again and again. The feeling of pain within my stomach was worth the roast dinners Tralgus could provide.

Excellent Food, Service, and Clean. All the traditional british foods avaliable, good prices and good servings....youll never go away hungry! Service and request of how you like it or want it from the staff! Economic private dinner parties on request- excellent for family week end gatherings.....!
Meal type
Brunch
Food: 5
Service: 5
Atmosphere: 5
Recommended dishes
Chicken Shish, Bacon & Cheese Omelette, Lamb Liver
Vegetarian options
Avaliable
Dietary restrictions
Always accomodating if you communicate your dietry restrictions.
Kid-friendliness
Excellent and never treated less.
Wheelchair accessibility
Yes and always will help you in and out ......all staff. Ramp access provided.

The best cafe in Orpington in my opinion. Friendly staff, great food, decent prices, always clean. What more do you want from a cafe. Love it.
Service
Dine in
Meal type
Brunch
Price per person
£10–20
Food: 5
Service: 5
Atmosphere: 4
Recommended dishes
English Breakfast
Vegetarian options
Never tried it but I've seen them on the menu.
Kid-friendliness
Always kids in there, highchairs available.
Wheelchair accessibility
Seen the owner get a ramp out to assist wheelchair users numerous times, never too much trouble.

Orpington is not short of places to eat but none better than the Swell. I visited last week for the first time and ordered the #3 breakfast. It was soo good. Particularly enjoyed the mushrooms. The toast, bread cut nice n thick. I demolished the whole breakfast. It also came with a coffee. I was served by a particularly welcoming lady. Nothing too much trouble. The tables were clean as was the whole dining area. I didn't use the washroom. I highly recommend you give Swell a chance to impress you too.
Service
Dine in
Meal type
Breakfast
Price per person
£1–10

Just good well cooked food with a friendly service. Good sized portions.
Service
Dine in
Meal type
Brunch
Price per person
£10–20
Food: 5
Service: 5
Atmosphere: 5
Vegetarian options
I am not vegetarian but seen options in the menu.
Kid-friendliness
Always see kids enjoying themselves in there. They are very flexible with kids wishes, even grown up kids at a heart.
Wheelchair accessibility
Ramp over doorstep.

Usually I recommend the food at swell cafe but having ordered a roast dinner for the first time I can say tasted like a frozen meal. Veg had no taste...just of water beef with gravy tasted like boil in a bag from a supermarket and potatoes were dry but crispy but no flavour of being roasted. Won't have that meal again at £9.90. Tasteless.
Service
Dine in
Meal type
Dinner
Price per person
£10–20

Good food large portions (too big for me ) lovely people xxx
Service
Dine in
Meal type
Lunch
Price per person
£1–10
Food: 5
Service: 5
Atmosphere: 5
Recommended dishes
Lamb Liver, English Breakfast
Kid-friendliness
Adapts easily for the children roomy enough for high chairs etc
Wheelchair accessibility
Allways there to put out the ramp for me xx

Very good experience at swell cafe. Firstly the staff are extremely friendly and the place is nice and clean. The breakfast are fairly priced and they do a great cup of brew. Most importantly the food is very good. What makes or breaks a breakfast is the sausages and these were good quality sausages. Definitely recommend.
Meal type
Breakfast
Price per person
£10–20

They do very big meals in here and quality of food. Nice priced. Very friendly and happy to help you
Service
Dine in
Meal type
Breakfast
Price per person
£10–20
Food: 5
Service: 5
Atmosphere: 5
Kid-friendliness
Very friendly staff happy to help
Wheelchair accessibility
They have a ramp for wheelchairs.

delicious food, friendly staff, quick service and amazing prices
Service
Dine in
Meal type
Breakfast
Price per person
£1–10
Food: 5
Service: 5
Atmosphere: 5
Recommended dishes
English Breakfast
Recommendation for vegetarians
Somewhat recommend
Vegetarian offerings
Vegetarian menu or section

A cut above many old-school greasy spoons with a menu that combines the staple "something + chips" with many other varieties such as omelettes, sandwiches, grills and roasts. Tasty, filling and well-priced food, and clean and presentable.
Service
Dine in
Meal type
Lunch
Food: 5
Service: 4
Atmosphere: 4

Lovely atmosphere, food is always delicious and tasty. Stuff is very friendly and service is outstanding and fast. Deff recommended it.
Service
Dine in
Meal type
Breakfast
Price per person
£1–10
Food: 5
Service: 5
Atmosphere: 5
Recommended dishes
Chicken Shish

Easily the best cafe in the area. Me and my partner come here regularly when we’re craving a big breakfast. The food is always sooo good, tables and floor are really clean and the staff are so friendly and polite. Absolutely unreal
Service
Dine in
Meal type
Breakfast
Price per person
£1–10

Always get a good meal served here.
Service
Dine in
Meal type
Lunch
Price per person
£20–30
Food: 5
Service: 5
Atmosphere: 5
Recommended dishes
Ham Omelette, English Breakfast
Kid-friendliness
The kids enjoyed it and had a great meal.

Il mangiare era buonissimo.Andiamo spesso.Sono aumentati i prezzi ma tutto nella norma.Sono un po' lento nel ritirare i piatti sporchi dopo finito mangiare.
Service
Dine in
Meal type
Lunch
Price per person
£1–10
Food: 5
Service: 3
Atmosphere: 4

Visited this cafe again very nice food and staff, waitress was very friendly and helped me out when I asked her to pay for a customer's food from me, and to keep change for another customer. Think they was shocked lol, #bekind#makesomeonesday Will visit this cafe again x

We were a party of four today, two dads and their two boys during half term. After a session trampolining we were all starving. Service was amazing, food was incredible and the coffee that came with the brekkie was quality too. Can’t wait to go back!

Amazing food friendly staff worth a visit, Great prices
Service
Dine in
Meal type
Lunch
Price per person
£1–10
Food: 5
Service: 5
Atmosphere: 5
Recommended dishes
English Breakfast

The food tasted good and the portions were generous. If I'm paying a bill for £30 though, you should accept card payment. You shouldn't ask for cash only. That's not acceptable and not normal for a Cafe/Restaurant in 2023.

Lovely people, great food and friendly service. You have to try the full English!
Service
Dine in
Meal type
Breakfast
Price per person
£10–20
Food: 5
Service: 5
Atmosphere: 5

Always a lovely meal and coffee ☕️ is easy going .
Service
Dine in
Meal type
Breakfast
Food: 5
Service: 5
Atmosphere: 5
Recommended dishes
Lamb Liver

Love this place , been half a dozen times for breakfast always superb I know that if there was ever a problem with the food they would rectify it without a problem ...lovely people .

Delicious food, good environment and service.
Service
Dine in
Meal type
Lunch
Price per person
£10–20
Food: 5
Service: 5
Atmosphere: 5

Best jacket potato with cheese and beans I've ever had with a lovely salad would definitely recommend this cafe
Food: 5
Service: 5
Atmosphere: 5

This cafe is your typical English fare cafe, with large portions and very reasonable prices. The 4 of us had a late breakfast with drinks for less than £25

Amazing, delicious food! The staff is so nice, I had a wonderful time. I would definitely recommend going! Remember to bring cash, as it is cash only.

The food is very nice and good value for money. The staff are friendly and attentive. Shame they still don't take cards to pay for food

The oreo milkshake amazing my name is sonny and this is delicious
Food: 5
Service: 5
Atmosphere: 5

Amazing, polite, well spoken young man serving and taking orders. Fantastic food highly recommended and we will be back soon

Wife and I used to use this cafe, But recent changes to the food menu or cooking is not to all taste, so don't use anymore.

Excellent cafe and very helpful and professional staff. Food cooked to perfection every time. Highly recommend.

Very good breakfast..and service cant falt at all ..a good breakfast is hard to find but this place is bang on

Enjoyed coffee with my girlfriend and my son …. lived in Orphington for around 10 years went to Ramsden

Great price, food was very nice and good price, friendly staff. was cash only when I visited last week

Great staff tasty food and clean great job guy's
Food: 5
Service: 5
Atmosphere: 5

More like unwell cafe if you like greasy spoons
Food: 1
Service: 1
Atmosphere: 1

Very good service and the foods were nice
Service
Dine in
Meal type
Breakfast

Food lovely hot and the staff friendly and welcoming. Competitive prices too. Try it out.

My favourite cafe on the high street. Tasty food, large size portions and friendly staff.

Always quick and decent breakfast.
Food: 4
Service: 5
Atmosphere: 3

it was very lovely there, food was good :) the boy serving there was very cute as well

Great
Meal type
Lunch
Food: 5
Service: 5
Atmosphere: 5

Best Cafe in the high street. Lovely food lovely Coffee. Well done Ken …

Super Thank you for your comment I hope all of you's enjoy your meal! @Swell Cafe

Always excellent friendly and helpful staff reasonably priced our go to cafe

Food is always good, staff are friendly and helpful, coffee is top notch.

Great food and service!
Service
Dine in
Meal type
Breakfast

Great food friendly staff always jump in my favorite cafe in orpington.

Very nice 8
Food: 3
Service: 3
Atmosphere: 3

Clean,good service,good food nice & hot. Very friendly staff.

It's fine
Service
Dine in
Meal type
Breakfast

Great café, proper breakfast, good lunches and great staff

Great food and excellent service. Best Cafe in town.

Very nice breakfast and very good for the money too

Great bunch of guys. Eat there all the time …

good cafe. massive portions! friendly staff.

Food greasy.......... And tea cold.....

Very good food and friendly staff

Billy pooke didnt serve me well

Bit expensive for what it is

A legjobb reggeliző , kávézó

Because you can eat there

Every thing is suuuper

Good food and polight

Top chef and kelll

Very good food.

Good baget